Does anyone know where I can get a tar binary?  Yes, I know, I'm lazy  :) But not so lazy that I haven't googled it already.

Tar binary?  Tars are packages.  Do you mean a tar upacker?  If so, WinRAR and Winzip support it, as well as 7-zip.

I mean a pre-compiled tar binary/executable, instead of the source which comes in several packages. Not a compressed package.
EDIT: Just found one. Nevermind.

Generally one comes with any version of UNIX/Linux.  Just use whatever comes with your distro, check your distro's site/packages.