ok, I'm writing a letter to my counsin's friend to talk to him about attending UT Austing for law school.  If y'all aren't busy would you mind making any corrections/suggestions on this letter?  Thanks in advance

[quote]Mr. ********,
This is ***** *******, *** ******’s cousin; I met you at his wedding.  I am writing to thank you for talking to me in June about attending the University of Texas at Austin and after thinking about my schooling I have decided to stay at New Mexico State University for my undergraduate degree.  I would still like to attend UT for law school in approximately four years, after graduating from NMSU.  Also, I am quite aware the UT’s law school is ranked rather high in the nation and would require much work from me but that I am willing to do.

If you have any suggestions, advice, or if there is anything in general that would help me to right started on the right foot I would appreciate it very much.

Thank you very much for your time,
        ***** *******[/quote]

It looks fine, why does it needs to be perfect? :p

I'd just like it to be as perfect as possible (I'm writing to my counsin's friend in texas that can help me go where ever in texas that i want)  he is young but VERY involved in texas gov't, a very professional guy

[quote author=CrAz3D link=topic=12388.msg122638#msg122638 date=1122844505]
ok, I'm writing a letter to my counsin's friend to talk to him about attending UT Austing for law school.  If y'all aren't busy would you mind making any corrections/suggestions on this letter?  Thanks in advance

[quote]Mr. ********,
This is ***** *******, *** ******’s cousin; I met you at his wedding.  I am writing to thank you for talking to me in June about attending the University of Texas at Austin and after thinking about my schooling I have decided to stay at New Mexico State University for my undergraduate degree.  I would still like to attend UT for law school in approximately four years, after graduating from NMSU.  Also, I am quite aware the UT’s law school is ranked rather high in the nation and would require much work from me but that I am willing to do.

If you have any suggestions, advice, or if there is anything in general that would help me to right started on the right foot I would appreciate it very much.

Thank you very much for your time,
        ***** *******[/quote]
[/quote]

Second sentence, run-on. Try splitting it into two sentences.
For #3, I suggest: "However, I would still like to attend the University of Texas for law school, after I graduate from NMSU."
Last sentence is rambling, short and clear-cut is best.

We met at his wedding.  I am writing to thank you for talking to me in June about attending the University of Texas at Austin.  After thinking about my schooling I have decided I would like to attend UT Austin’s law school after graduating New Mexico State University.  Also, I am quite aware that UT’s law school will require much work from me as it is ranked rather high in the nation.

If you have any suggestions, advice, or if there is anything in general that would help me to get started on the right foot I would appreciate it very much.




That's what I've changed it to so far

This is *****, *******'s cousin; we (recently?) met at (name) and (name)'s wedding. I am writing to thank you for talking to me earlier in June about attending the University of Texas in Austin. After thinking about my education, I have decided I would like to attend UTA after I graduate New Mexico State University. I am aware that UTA has high standards, and I am willing to work hard for (insert something here).

If you have any suggestions, advice, or questions, please forward them to me at (email address).

Sincerely,
(name here)

I still have the names & such I just omitted those entire lines.

as for the "earlier in June", I think June flows better

It actually is University of Texas AT Austin

Generally, it is reffered to as UT, as I was corrected before, UTA is UT at Arlington & i think mentioning more specifically UT's law school would be more appropriate

but i do like the education instead of schooling

i'm not so sure about the "standardss", but i like it more than the rank i talked about

:)